


the aftermath

by sepiapages



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Panic Attacks, Sibling Bonding, implied PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 14:47:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15342165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sepiapages/pseuds/sepiapages
Summary: He thought it was over. But it didn't go away so easily.





	the aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> eyy sorry for disappearing forever. i finished gravity falls and i have a Lot of feelings about these kids. goddamn they need therapy

He thought it was over. The whole bus ride back home, he had run it over and over in his head, promising himself this would be the last time he thought of it. No more journals meant no more cryptic, evil magic problems. 

He planned it all out. They wouldn't say a word to their parents. The stories would be about Grunkle Stan boring them in the fishing boat, taking them on hikes through the woods and subsequently getting covered in mosquito bites—even the risky teenager business that Wendy let them in on. 

Absolutely no mentions of gnomes or unicorns or aliens or shapeshifters or crazy scientists… and especially no mention of Bill. 

But it didn't go away so easily. 

 

Dipper woke to see Mabel's face above him. She was clearly upset. He blinked and realized his heart was pounding, racing, and there was sweat dripping down his forehead. He pushed her away with shaking hands. 

“Dipper, this is the fourth time this week,” Mabel said once she confirmed he was awake and hearing her. “It hasn't even been two weeks. We're about to start high school next week!” He grumbled and her voice suddenly softened and was filled with worry. “How are you going to make it if you keep—”

“Mabel, I know.” Dipper interrupted her and turned over in his bed. He sighed. “I know.”

Mabel's hand slipped off his shoulder. “I don't like seeing you like this. You need to talk to someone. Maybe we can get Grunkle Ford on the phone and—”

He whipped around. “No! No, Mabel.” He reached up and rubbed his face. His fingers mashed into his tired eyes, pushing into their sockets. “I'm gonna be fine. This is the last time, I promise. I… I almost had it.”

Mabel opened her mouth, hesitated, and closed it again. She tugged on the sleeve of her sweater. “You said that last time,” she mumbled. 

Dipper didn't say anything. He stayed quiet as his sister climbed back into her bed and eventually fell back to sleep. He listened to her steady breathing and allowed it to lull him away too. 

 

His eyes cracked open. He was surrounded mountains with jagged edges. Boulders waited on the edges, ready to crush him. He swallowed hard and looked around for something to cover himself with. Suddenly the landscape changed to a vast desert. The sand stretched far beyond his vision. The dunes started rolling like waves. 

He cried out as a wave crashed over him. His mouth filled with sand. He coughed, choked, struggled. His arms felt so heavy, too heavy to move. Everything closed in on him. It squeezed tighter and tighter…

 

He snapped upright. He coughed hard and long, gripping the sheets with white knuckles. He could swear there was sand still in his throat; the tiny grains scratched his esophagus like tiny pieces of glass. His body shook even after he had stopped coughing. 

“Oh god…” Dipper wiped his chin and dug his fingernails into his knees. “What am I gonna do?” His fingers itched to grab the journal, but they grabbed empty air. His heart sank.

Mabel kept eyeing him over breakfast. As if the dark bags under his eyes weren’t clue enough, he couldn’t look anyone in the eye and he kept rubbing his throat. On top of it all, he had absolutely zero appetite. He pushed the eggs around his plate and hoped his parents wouldn’t notice. 

“Hey, Mom, can I go now? I’m not… hungry.” He winced at how weak his voice sounded.  _ I can just blame it on morning voice.  _

Before his mother could answer, the phone rang in the other room. She rushed off to get it and Dipper took his chance to dump his plate in the trash. He made a quick exit, but Mabel was right behind him.

“Dipper?” she asked quietly. “Are you okay?” 

She seemed to know that was a stupid question because she didn’t push for a response when Dipper stayed silent. She tugged on her sweater and tried again. “Dipper, I’m worried about you. I want to help but you won’t let me.” 

Dipper sniffed. He hopped up the stairs without saying anything, and Mabel followed. He sat on the floor of their room and traced the seams of the carpet. 

“Dipper--”

“I  _ can’t.  _ Mabel. I don’t know what to say.” He still wouldn’t look at her. 

Mabel felt her chest caving in. She sat down in front of him, looking at his hair where his eyes should be. “Then say anything. Say something stupid. Describe what you’re feeling in the least accurate way possible.” 

He couldn’t help but crack a smile. “I don’t see…” 

“Come on, Dipper. Give it a try.”

A sigh. “Alright, fine. I feel… great. I feel like a totally complete puzzle. I’m not missing any pieces at all and I know exactly what the picture is supposed to be.” He pulled some strings out of the carpet. “I don’t think about Gravity Falls. I don’t think about the journals. I don’t think about… Bill.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m not scared. I don’t think he’s coming back. I totally believe he’s gone forever and he’ll never hurt us again. I don’t… I don’t…” He choked back a sob. “I don’t dream about how next time… next time he’s gonna do it. Next time there won’t be a miracle. Next time… we’re gonna lose. We’re gonna die.  _ God,  _ Mabel, he was so close! We got  _ so close  _ to being  _ dead.  _ Did you ever think about that?” He brought shaky hands to his face and it took all his strength not to claw at his skin. “The entire town… turned into hell. He brought demons and monsters and he trapped you in your own head and… and you almost didn’t come back. I almost didn’t come back. He took… he took my body. He hurt me, and he almost got away with it. God, I was so stupid.” 

“Dipper… Dipper, please. Hold on,” Mabel pleaded. She reached out and pulled his hands away. She knelt in front of him and the pitying expression on her face dug into Dipper’s stomach. “I know. It’s so scary. Can you just… believe that he’s back in Gravity Falls? He couldn't get out, remember? Even with all his power. He’s not leaving. He’s stuck back there. That’s the first thing, okay?”

Dipper looked up. He stared at her, eyes widening. 

“Oh my  _ god,  _ Mabel, how are you not affected by this?” he cried. “Why am I the only one who’s falling apart? Why aren’t you ruined too?” He took his arms back and wrapped them around himself. He rocked back and forth. “Am I really just… just that… that weak?” 

Mabel frowned. “NO, Dipper. You’re not weak. You’re the strongest guy I know. You did so many amazing things! Grunkle Ford is so proud of you!”

“Forget Grunkle Ford!” Dipper snapped. “What about  _ us?  _ He’s an adult! He did that to himself on purpose! We’re… god, we’re only thirteen. I don’t know how to talk to girls but I had to run for my life on multiple occasions! How… how is that fair? How is that fair?” He broke down into sobs. 

Mabel crawled closer and hugged him. “I’m sorry, Dipper. I… I’m not invincible, you know that. I’m just… trying to focus on the future. And I think about all the good times. I trust you, you know?” She squeezed his arms. “I trust that you defeated Bill and I’m really happy that we got to rescue Grunkle Ford and make Grunkle Stan happy and… I don’t know.” She adjusted her sweater and rubbed his shoulder. “I guess it’s just like I told you before. I prefer to think of the good things. I don’t like being sad.”

Dipper had stopped sobbing, but he kept his head hidden. “I wish I could be like you.”

His sister shrugged. “I dunno. I’m gonna have to deal with it eventually. At least you face your problems.” She laughed. 

“I’m scared, Mabel.”

“I am too, but you’ve got me, okay? We did it together, and we’ll do it again.” 


End file.
